How I lost the weight the first time...

I consider myself a realist. I wont do something that will harm my body, I simply see no point in it. There for, starving or not eating the right things are out of the question. I would literally rather be fat then starve myself. So what I did was create a plan that allowed me to eat allot and still lose weight. I did get this way by eating portions that were too big (of fatty foods) and little to no exercise. So I begin with the question of: "How do I reverse what I've done?" ( a question that you should all ask yourself )

I'll start by eating healthy. Anything and everything that is freshly grown. This consists of little to none that is processed. Absolutely no sugary drinks. I'll of course have to add in some physical activity. Its common sense to think that by reversing what i've done, my body will go to a normal state. I've been stuffing food for the last 3 weeks to reach 205 lbs and once I go back to normal portions, it is only natural that my stomach will start to shrink. This is something that will happen to anyone who is obese (such as me at this point). Every body has a physical homeostasis. It is only because we are eating too much or too much of the wrong things that cause us to gain or be overweight. It is simple math that if we switch to normal portions and add a little physical activity that our bodies will naturally start to lose weight. (this is from an obese point of view; my credits? - evidence from me losing weight last year)

Losing weight is a math puzzle and until you can comprehend what you need to do to lose weight, you wont. You need to "crave the feeling of wanting to lose weight" and of course "want it more then you want that piece of cake". One of the biggest problems I have now come to realize is the fact that weight is easy to lose. Once you lose it, its easy as well to go back to the lifestyle you left behind. A feeling of comfort is something that everyone wants to feel. If you find your feeling of comfort in food, its just going to make things a little harder.

I remember growing up feeling so lonely. I blamed the fact of me never having a boyfriend and my overly shy personality on my weight. Now I see that once you finally find someone, the comfort you feel with that person leads you to forget sometimes. This happened to me which is why I took the opportunity to do this experiment once I started to gain a bit.

Another big thing is that once you start to lose the weight, you cant lose motivation. Motivation is what keeps the process in constant cycles. I also lost sight of my motivation.
Quite frankly, my motivation was the fact that I didn't want the person I was with to be embarrassed walking down the street with me at such a obese state. This feeling was something I once felt in a situation I was in (the roles reversed and yes, I was embarrassed). I did lose the weight last year I lost nearly 45 lbs, and now I'm here to do it again.

It is no doubt that I will do it again, The question is... will you join me?

Are you ready? I am!

Here we go! One day and counting :) As I sit here writing this post, excited about the video I'll be posting tomorrow, the only thing I can think about is the new year! I'll be taking measurements and my weight. Let me tell you that one of the biggest mistakes the first time I lost the weight back in 2009, was that I didn't take measurements. One person had warned me that it would be one of the only signs of proof to myself that I had progress. This time, I wont make that mistake.

Up until now, I haven't made it public to my viewers that I've gained back the weight. In some thoughts I fear that people will think I'm odd for doing this. But in all honesty... I'm here to show you that weight loss isn't hard. It just takes two things, time and commitment. I get emails every day asking me how I lost the weight. This way, in my blog, I'll be able to show you all step by step.

I've decided to wear the SAME clothes in each video to show the progress I've lost. Unlike my other videos I was in a different outfit each time. I figure that I'll do a weigh in every week even if I gain. I'd like to reach a goal weight of 180 by my birthday in march. Even though I don't believe in setting goals like that, I will just for my birthday. My plan is to just let my body do things naturally. My body will lose weight at a pace that it feels comfortable at. I will not rush anything. Progress takes time.

Side Effects

I was fine at 180 lbs. Although my jeans were fitting more snug and I had a bit of a belly. But now at 201 lbs I officially had to go shopping to buy a new pair of jeans that actually fit. A size 16/18 as sad as that is. I feel gross but I want to do this experiment and I want to show you all that weight loss isn't hard. It just takes time and dedication.Besides the physical changes, the hand fulls of flab around my body, I feel emotionally drained. I actually laugh at how I feel out of breath going up 3 flights of stairs at work. At least I still take the stairs instead of opting for the elevator. I'm excited about this adventure.I do on the other hand, to be honest feel embarrassed about my appearance. Christmas is coming up. Family gatherings, Work parties, and much much more. Everyone will see me. At least I can be true to say that today they see me fat, and in a couple of months, they will see me thin :)It was days ago where me and the nerd went out to the aquarium and took pictures everywhere we turned. When I saw the pictures of how I looked, I was quite embarrassed. I felt sad. I'll be posting some of those pics up soon for all to see :P

The Idea

Here we go again, I'm preparing to do this experiment and most people know me as a very strong willed person. I did meet goal weight of 170 and although my ultimate goal weight is 150, I plan to meet that goal weight this time. I will be uploading videos at least twice a week. I had it scheduled where I did a body shot every week and then a little talk about how my week went last time I was on youtube a year ago.
I'm doing this blog thing as a way of documenting everything I go through. Emotions, stresses and just the plan facts of weight loss. As I said in one of my videos before... A skinny person will never be able to benefit from the journey we get the chance of doing. We learn so much that I would rather have the chance to do this and learn more about myself, then not.

For those of you out there who figure that weight loss is hard, or you don't know where to start, take it from me, it is possible. I am strongly against the "pro ana" path (starving yourself). I do things that make sense for me. I was 17 at the time when I started this journey and I did it. I'm just here to do it again. I have a few more pounds until I meet the 205 lbs. I find it funny how I always do this "stuffing of food before I'm about to let go of it. Its almost like hibernation scenario but in a food sense. I'm not going to duck under the table and say that I'm not eating chocolate right now, and that I didn't eat a plate full of onions and perogies smothered in butter for lunch, and indian paneer with rice for dinner as well as 3 slices of pizza today. I'm packing it in, because I know what to expect already. To lose weight, you cant just "Say" you will do something, you have to just "do" IT.

One of my strongest quotes I have made is that "You have to want it more than you want that piece of cake. You have to crave it." If you don't crave it, you don't want it bad enough. If you're not willing to give up certain things to be healthier, then you aren't ready and you are setting yourself up to fail.

The Beginning

It all started last year in December 2008. When I finally reached an all time high of 210 pounds. I had just gone on a trip to california with my family to visit the great "disney land". And although it was an experience of a life time, the souvenirs and photos that we took were the only things left to view. These viewings were left to show me how big I really was. It was funny how you think you're smaller then you actually are. Its not until you see yourself in a different way (video, picture, mirror image) that you really see what you are.At the same time I had never had a boyfriend, and for many years I blamed it on my weight. It wasn't that I hated the way I looked. In fact, I always thought of myself as sort of pretty (minus the fat). I did my make up frequently, and always had my hair styled to my likening. But it wasn't until I experienced a sort of revelation. I remember walking down the street with this boy who was bigger than me, much bigger! (350lbs) And I asked myself "Do I feel embarrassed walking down the street with him?" And the answer was no, but in all honesty I wasn't attracted to his size either. Perhaps the fact that he made my frame look smaller compared to his own. It was then that I felt bad. I told myself that I would never want someone to feel embarrassed of walking down the street with me. Physical image may be just an outside detail, but in real life, first impressions are the most important.After having this revalation I looked in the mirror long and hard trying to figure out how to change my appearance. I had no idea how to "diet". I mean, of course not! Look at me, muffin top hanging over the edge of my jeans, it was pretty clear. So I asked myself this one question. It was a question that answered all my wonders. This question was, "What did I do wrong." And with this question, came millions of answers. Mind you, these were not answers met to fit the "idiots guide to weight loss", no, this was the truth. I ate portions that were far too big, I ate food that wasn't healthy for me, I didn't exercise, and the most important thing was... I didn't care about my body.I'm a realist, meaning I need things to make sense for me to do them. For my 16th birthday I was the only one who didnt get hammered. Why? Because I see no reason to drink. I see no reason to do something that will hurt my body. Infact I'm a vegetarian because I feel its immoral to eat something that was alive. How many people can look at their steak and see that they're eating mear flesh and bones off something that once moved? Not many, but for the people who can, good for you! (I'll get into ethics and morals later ;)My point is that people everyday message me on youtube asking me what I did to lose weight, they message me asking me what I eat, how do I exercise? The truth is that all you need to do is use your head. Think to yourself, what is healthier? An apple or french fries from McDonalds? Sugary pop or flavoured water? Its common sense that if you work at a desk every day that you can only get a certain amount of exercise in a day. There for it would make sense that ANYTHING outside of your routine will be burning more calories then what your average day burns. I was always bad at math but this is something I can comprehend.I started off small, organizing and thinking about my strategy. What do I need to eat to be healthy? This was another thing. It was never really about LOSING WEIGHT, it was about being healthier and feeling better about myself. The weight loss was just a bonus (a reward for being so dedicated). I knew the weight loss would come, its basic math, to every problem there is always a solution. A mistake is something you cant fix, but a problem you can. A tip to my readers... Don't ever doubt yourself. If you work at it, it will happen.Further more, with the strategy in mind, I decided to start video logging my weight loss on youtube. Chances are, you've see that channel first which is why you're on my blog page. I strongly do suggest that if you are in the same boat I am, you start vlogging. Even if you don't show your fact, do it for future reference. Its amazing what changes your body goes through. And to be quite frank, even though I lost almost 40 lbs, It wasn't until I looked at my old videos that I saw how far I came.And there my journey began, I went from 210-215 lbs to 170. An accomplish meant at that. I went through some heart ache but all in all, I was at my lowest weight. It took me about 3 months to lose the majority of my weight. I was looking great and feeling great. You wouldn't believe the amount of CONFIDENCE I had. It wasn't an arrogance, it was a feeling of self accomplishment. I looked at myself in the mirror smiling, knowing that I used to fit into a size 20 jeans, now a size 14/15 (blessed with the big A*S my mother gave me).It wasn't until the beginning of july that I met someone. I had always been pushing for love on the internet since I couldn't find it in real life. I resorted to lowering what I was worth, meeting people who weren't who they said they were. In fact, at my lowest weight, I got turned down. He told me that he loved me as a person but just wasn't physically attracted to me. It took me months to get over, but I did and I have no regrets because it only made me stronger. That's what you get for online dating ha-ha. Anyways, this prince charming I found was there "under my nose" the whole time and best of all, he wasn't an online guy. He went to high school with me. This nerdy little boy who always picked on me. He never made fun of my weight, he was just a little jokester in the class. In fact, ironically, the only class we ever had together in school was PHYSICAL EDUCATION. I wasn't the last person to finish our laps around the soccer field (thanks to my 12 years of soccer) but I defiantly wasn't fast enough, where as this kid ran laps around me. He was a nerd that was out of me league, because I was fat (215 labs). He ended up leaving my high school just as we hit grade 11. But luckily in grade 12, we both worked at the same place. It wasn't until that july when I was 170lbs, that he asked me out to see a movie. I was at the peek of my happiness, losing weight and a guy I had always liked asked me out. And let me mention, but grade 12, he wasn't a nerd anymore :)The end of that volume comes to a hault as it is now december 2009, and here I sit, pushing to reach 205 lbs again. As a test of love, commitment, and responsibility. I'm going to do it again, and I want all my viewers to see it step by step. Please, let me explain. When me and this boy started to hang out, I became too comfortable. The fact that he was able to eat anything and gain literally nothing didn't click in until later on... about 35 pounds gained later. I watched myself slowly gain weight. I shrugged it off because I WAS IN LOVE. I put aside my routine and lived life care free. When I reached 190 I could only laugh. I had this strange idea to hit 205 again. Why? Because I was still getting e mails on youtube asking how I got as far as I did, if I had maintained, what they needed to do. And by doing this, we are eliminating two things on my list, I will reach my previous weight, AND I will let you all see how I do it. I'm not guaranteeing that I will reach 170 in 3 months, I'm guaranteeing that I will lose weight with time. I never once put a time limit on my weight loss. And I don't guarantee that my plan will work for you. In fact, I don't have a plan, I have a guideline. I take i day by day. I do not pre plan my meals weeks in advance. Or force 8 bottles of water down my throat. I do what I feel is right.Now, just a bit of an explanation to me "trying to gain weight" as of now. I'm trying to reach 205 lbs, which in all honesty, wont be long. I plan to reach it before the new year. I'm a realist, as I have stated before and I know how stupid it sounds to be trying to gain weight when I'm already big. But think of it as my own experiment. So I hope you can appreciate this data I'm about to present over the next few months :)