The Beginning

It all started last year in December 2008. When I finally reached an all time high of 210 pounds. I had just gone on a trip to california with my family to visit the great "disney land". And although it was an experience of a life time, the souvenirs and photos that we took were the only things left to view. These viewings were left to show me how big I really was. It was funny how you think you're smaller then you actually are. Its not until you see yourself in a different way (video, picture, mirror image) that you really see what you are.At the same time I had never had a boyfriend, and for many years I blamed it on my weight. It wasn't that I hated the way I looked. In fact, I always thought of myself as sort of pretty (minus the fat). I did my make up frequently, and always had my hair styled to my likening. But it wasn't until I experienced a sort of revelation. I remember walking down the street with this boy who was bigger than me, much bigger! (350lbs) And I asked myself "Do I feel embarrassed walking down the street with him?" And the answer was no, but in all honesty I wasn't attracted to his size either. Perhaps the fact that he made my frame look smaller compared to his own. It was then that I felt bad. I told myself that I would never want someone to feel embarrassed of walking down the street with me. Physical image may be just an outside detail, but in real life, first impressions are the most important.After having this revalation I looked in the mirror long and hard trying to figure out how to change my appearance. I had no idea how to "diet". I mean, of course not! Look at me, muffin top hanging over the edge of my jeans, it was pretty clear. So I asked myself this one question. It was a question that answered all my wonders. This question was, "What did I do wrong." And with this question, came millions of answers. Mind you, these were not answers met to fit the "idiots guide to weight loss", no, this was the truth. I ate portions that were far too big, I ate food that wasn't healthy for me, I didn't exercise, and the most important thing was... I didn't care about my body.I'm a realist, meaning I need things to make sense for me to do them. For my 16th birthday I was the only one who didnt get hammered. Why? Because I see no reason to drink. I see no reason to do something that will hurt my body. Infact I'm a vegetarian because I feel its immoral to eat something that was alive. How many people can look at their steak and see that they're eating mear flesh and bones off something that once moved? Not many, but for the people who can, good for you! (I'll get into ethics and morals later ;)My point is that people everyday message me on youtube asking me what I did to lose weight, they message me asking me what I eat, how do I exercise? The truth is that all you need to do is use your head. Think to yourself, what is healthier? An apple or french fries from McDonalds? Sugary pop or flavoured water? Its common sense that if you work at a desk every day that you can only get a certain amount of exercise in a day. There for it would make sense that ANYTHING outside of your routine will be burning more calories then what your average day burns. I was always bad at math but this is something I can comprehend.I started off small, organizing and thinking about my strategy. What do I need to eat to be healthy? This was another thing. It was never really about LOSING WEIGHT, it was about being healthier and feeling better about myself. The weight loss was just a bonus (a reward for being so dedicated). I knew the weight loss would come, its basic math, to every problem there is always a solution. A mistake is something you cant fix, but a problem you can. A tip to my readers... Don't ever doubt yourself. If you work at it, it will happen.Further more, with the strategy in mind, I decided to start video logging my weight loss on youtube. Chances are, you've see that channel first which is why you're on my blog page. I strongly do suggest that if you are in the same boat I am, you start vlogging. Even if you don't show your fact, do it for future reference. Its amazing what changes your body goes through. And to be quite frank, even though I lost almost 40 lbs, It wasn't until I looked at my old videos that I saw how far I came.And there my journey began, I went from 210-215 lbs to 170. An accomplish meant at that. I went through some heart ache but all in all, I was at my lowest weight. It took me about 3 months to lose the majority of my weight. I was looking great and feeling great. You wouldn't believe the amount of CONFIDENCE I had. It wasn't an arrogance, it was a feeling of self accomplishment. I looked at myself in the mirror smiling, knowing that I used to fit into a size 20 jeans, now a size 14/15 (blessed with the big A*S my mother gave me).It wasn't until the beginning of july that I met someone. I had always been pushing for love on the internet since I couldn't find it in real life. I resorted to lowering what I was worth, meeting people who weren't who they said they were. In fact, at my lowest weight, I got turned down. He told me that he loved me as a person but just wasn't physically attracted to me. It took me months to get over, but I did and I have no regrets because it only made me stronger. That's what you get for online dating ha-ha. Anyways, this prince charming I found was there "under my nose" the whole time and best of all, he wasn't an online guy. He went to high school with me. This nerdy little boy who always picked on me. He never made fun of my weight, he was just a little jokester in the class. In fact, ironically, the only class we ever had together in school was PHYSICAL EDUCATION. I wasn't the last person to finish our laps around the soccer field (thanks to my 12 years of soccer) but I defiantly wasn't fast enough, where as this kid ran laps around me. He was a nerd that was out of me league, because I was fat (215 labs). He ended up leaving my high school just as we hit grade 11. But luckily in grade 12, we both worked at the same place. It wasn't until that july when I was 170lbs, that he asked me out to see a movie. I was at the peek of my happiness, losing weight and a guy I had always liked asked me out. And let me mention, but grade 12, he wasn't a nerd anymore :)The end of that volume comes to a hault as it is now december 2009, and here I sit, pushing to reach 205 lbs again. As a test of love, commitment, and responsibility. I'm going to do it again, and I want all my viewers to see it step by step. Please, let me explain. When me and this boy started to hang out, I became too comfortable. The fact that he was able to eat anything and gain literally nothing didn't click in until later on... about 35 pounds gained later. I watched myself slowly gain weight. I shrugged it off because I WAS IN LOVE. I put aside my routine and lived life care free. When I reached 190 I could only laugh. I had this strange idea to hit 205 again. Why? Because I was still getting e mails on youtube asking how I got as far as I did, if I had maintained, what they needed to do. And by doing this, we are eliminating two things on my list, I will reach my previous weight, AND I will let you all see how I do it. I'm not guaranteeing that I will reach 170 in 3 months, I'm guaranteeing that I will lose weight with time. I never once put a time limit on my weight loss. And I don't guarantee that my plan will work for you. In fact, I don't have a plan, I have a guideline. I take i day by day. I do not pre plan my meals weeks in advance. Or force 8 bottles of water down my throat. I do what I feel is right.Now, just a bit of an explanation to me "trying to gain weight" as of now. I'm trying to reach 205 lbs, which in all honesty, wont be long. I plan to reach it before the new year. I'm a realist, as I have stated before and I know how stupid it sounds to be trying to gain weight when I'm already big. But think of it as my own experiment. So I hope you can appreciate this data I'm about to present over the next few months :)