June 15th - Whats wrong with me?

Today at work it was a 5 hour shift (made it to work on time today) and it felt like a flippen 18 hour shift. I could barely stand my feet hurt sooo bad! My legs were shaking and my whole body just felt achy. I've been doing 5 hour shifts for the last 4 days... so theres no reason it should hurt so bad today... if anything it should have been easier to work today. I looked at my calender and I'm supposed to be getting my period on the 17th... That could possibly be the reason I've been like this the last few days. I almost did cry by the end of my shift because my body hurt so bad. I felt like I had gone clubbing in the worst shoes ever... like high heeled stilettos for 8 hours... if you know what I mean...pain-central. I was also having alot of pressure pains down in my stomach/uterus area.

But I was wearing runners at work... I have no idea why it hurt so bad. I slept for a bit after work... around 2 hours. These are defiantly symptoms of my period coming along. ALSO i weighed myself and i'm back up at 205... wtffffff
Also prince charming bought me subway... just the way I like it... and the guy even bought me chocolate milk and a brownie because I was in so much pain. He knows that when I'm on my period chocolate makes me feel better lol. He knows me so well now that its insane... I mean does anyone know how you like your subway? Mine is VERY SPECIFIC.

Whole wheat bread
no olives, jalepinos, pickles, or meat.
I NEED southwest/sweet onion sauce.
parmesean cheese.
toasted cheese
etc..

Theres just so much to it and he knows it off by heart just from seeing me do it a couple of times. I also feel kind of sad that me and him havent been hanging out lately. No time to cuddle and be together since hes been working graveyards and I've been working everyday. Luckily after tomorrow I get a break from this job for 3 days while I work at my other job at the call center... that ones a little bit more bareable. I get thursday off. Pray for thursday to come faster.

I'm having such a bad week... :(

June 14th - Horrible day

I dont know what went wrong but it was definatly not my day. I'm usually very punctual and put togeather but today I was late for work... by half an hour! And I'm an opening cashier... there is no one else but me in the mornings. and i kept getting in trouble. It was for the littlest things! Everything I did was wrong and I was soooo frustraited and upset. It took everything inside me to keep myself calm. I felt like crying at the end of the day.

By the end of the day I came home and passed out because I was so exhausted.
I also found out today that my laptop charger is broken. I dont know what I'm going to do. A replacement one is 100 bucks... might as well buy a new laptop cause mine is so old. My charger will stop charging randomly and then my laptop will die right away after. I have to wiggle it and play around with it for 5 mins just to get it working again. What a pain... bad day today!

June 13th - Richmond night market

So... being the type of person who plans things the night before, I convinced prince charming to take me to the richmond night market. I had so much fun. On the way there I tried to hard to win tickets on the beat 94.5. But no luck :( lol Once when I did call in, I got put on air so I guess thats why I always phone in and think I actually have a chance.

Anyways so the night market was so much fun! It was neat looking at all the stuff. Prince charming bought me a new make up brush kit. It was expencive but to be honest, I've been using a crappy one for a year now. He bought me the WHOLE SET! I only have like 2 brushes that I was using but now I have so much more variety! Ever watch youtube and see all the professionals show you which types of brushes they use? Those are the ones he bought me :)
There was so much food there! I only had a 3$ cup of chow mein and I was happy lol. No fish balls for me :P
The trip home was tiering and prince charming got frustraited because he was trying to get us home... usually im the leader when it comes to directions but I fell asleep in the seat and of corse he didnt wake me lol. He works graveyards at one of his jobs and so by the time we got home... he had to start half an hour later... we sure cut it close! All that walking today did me good I bet!

June 12th - House party

So my parents had a house party with their friends. It was what ever. I wasnt into it too much. Mostly me and daisy just sat in my room until it died down around 3am. The next morning I have work... I've been working alot lately. I'm exhaused mentally and physically. Atleast I'll be able to save enough for our anniversary to go to victoria and such. My next pay check is going to be really good :)

June 11th - Video game

Today was prince charmings little brothers bday. I took him to future shop to get him a new game for his new x box. I dont understand gaming... not sure if I ever will lol. 70 bucks on one game? I'd rather buy clothes lol. But w.e makes him happy :P

June 10th - Waterslides!

So we went to the water slides today. I had no idea that my bathing suite was in such bad condition! It was so baggy from me not taking care of it. On our way home prince charming bought me a new bathing suite top so that worked out.
I had so much fun. Although it took us like 45 mins to get there, it was worth it to me. Spending him with him was so much fun. We went down some pretty fun slides and then just chilled in the hot tub. It reminded me of how much I miss swimming. I used to swim alot at the beginning of January. Almost every day. The chlorine was bad for my skin though... and the chlorine in my hair was a mess!

Oh and gosh! Walking up those big stairs to get to the top of the slides was insane! I felt so bad that I was out of shape. I was huffin and puffin by the time I got to the top. Blah

June 9th - 200 lbs.

I'm still 200 lbs. At least I HAVEN'T gone up... considering I've basically eaten a whole large pizza to myself in the last 2 days. I don't even want to try to calculate how many calories are in that. Where has my commitment gone? Why is it so hard for me now? I did it once... why cant I do it again?

Today is our anniversary. Maybe that's a sign... Start now.
This time exactly one year ago I was 170 lbs. It was after I met prince charming that I started slowly gaining the weight back... 5 pounds a month.
I need to do some deep thinking... Self reflecting.

June 8th - Time flys

Its hard to believe that its officially be 1 year since I was skinny. I remember this time exactly one year ago and what I was wearing. The weight gain isn't as shocking until I try on clothes I once wore for the first time in my life as sizes maybe 3 times smaller.
I laughed last year and couldn't understand what was so hard about losing weight. I dropped 35 pounds in a little over 4 months... why is it so hard for me now? Its almost baffling to me. I honestly have no idea why.

Anyways... tomorrow is our 11th month anniversary so we're going to the water slides. It should be fun. Prince charming is the only one I'd trust to see me in a bathing suite. Regardless I'm not the type to wear a bra and panties in to the water. I usually cover up as much as I can. Not because I'm fat... but because I'm conservative. I don't like showing other people my body... just doesn't seem right to me lol. I wear a bathing suite top that looks like a tank top and a skirted bathing suite bottom. It should be fun. We're going rain or shine lol

June 7th - Photoshoot

I'm inquiring about a photo shoot. I found someone who I went to school with and is offering reasonable prices. We're going to meet up on Friday and hopefully talk about what kinds of shots we want and such. Hopefully I get what I'm looking for. I've never done a photo shoot before. Prince charming on the other hand has done acting and modeling alot growing up. lol Hopefully I can get some romantic shots of the two of us. He's already agreed to them and thinks its a good idea.

June 6th - Disney land?

So the more research I do... the more I want to do. I think we're going to book a trip to Disney land in September for prince charmings bday. I'd love to do that. Right now we're just talking about it.
I'm the type of person who usually puts her foot forward and goes and gets what she wants. I'm not a dreamer lol. If I want to go to Disney land... I'll make it happen ahaha. Its just going to take alot of savings. Its important for prince charming and I to do our travelling before school starts. Once we're tied down our options will be limited lol.

I've been there before mind you... and its the most amazing place ever.

June 4th - SAVE OUR MONEY

lol I just realized that the word YOUR... also has the word OUR in it lol. And when we're refering to money... thats actually quite funny :P

I've taken on a huge responsibility of trying to make sure prince charming budgets right for our 1 year anniversary. We're planning on going to victoria island and spending a couple of nights there... and then coming back to vancouver and seeing some pretty cool stuff like the capilano suspension bridge. Our 1 year anniversary is really important to me for some reason. I feel like I'm the one stressing out about it. Prince charming is super excited about it too lol but I'm the one taking care of the planning. I have to pre book the hotels and book the tours and stuff. I just cant wait to be able to finally say we've been together for so long... when really some people still believe that we were never dating lol. We told people that we were just friends for THE LONGEST time ever lol.

Originally I wanted to go on a cruise... its not until you reasearch that you see the endless options. They have 7 day cruises to alaska lol. Its something to think about in the future lol

June 3rd - Splice

We saw splice today at the theaters. I thought it was pretty crazy! Prince charming thought it was disturbing and gross because of what we saw... but in all honesty... its just a movie lol. I thought it was crazy because it was something I had never seem before.
Defiantly a renter if you re into crazy sci fi movies... run to your block buster when its out.

June 2nd - Prince of persia

So Prince charming and I saw the movie today and it was AMAZING! I loved it and by the end of the movie I was nothing but smiles! Prince charming thought it was cute that I really liked the movie. I think we have a special connection with the movie because I bought him the game for Christmas. Its defiantly one we will be buying :)

June 1st - weight shot up

I weigh 200 lbs. And I'm not happy about it. I'm not sure why I gained 3 lbs... but I think it has something to do with me getting my appetite back.

May 31st - Start today?

I'd like to get into the routine of walking again. My goal for tonight is to take daisy on a 30 min walk. I want to start June off with exercise and I plan on keeping my walks going. Hopefully I can teach her to stop pulling.

May 30th - Partner ship walk to stop poverty.

So we went to vancouver today for the partnership walk. We took daisy. At first she was really good. Pulled on the leash alot and by the end she barked at a few dogs. I think it was a good experience for her. I've noticed that she'll be excited and happy to meet other dogs but then nip at them. I have NO IDEA WHY. I want it to stop because its not safe but I dont know how to teach her not to.
Anyone have any tips?

May 29th - Weight update

Weight has been falling off of me the last couple of weeks. I started at 206 and now I'm around 197.. 196.
This month I've lost 9 lbs doing nothing lol. And although weight has been falling off me... it was yoyoing there for a while. I'm basically back to where I was at my birthday. The only thing thats happened is that I dont eat as much anymore. I've been picking up on price charmings habbits and its helping me out alot. I'm not as hungry anymore and I find that because I was sick... it might have lagged my eating habbits a bit more.
Other then that, lifes pretty good.
My goal by the end of june is to be in the 180's. Its a piece of cake lol. I'm sure I can get it done.

May 28th - Not moving out.

So I talked to my mom and shes not happy about me wanting to move out. I'm honestly not up for moving out either. I just feel like I have to. Lately things have been fine between my parents dog and daisy. I think tension comes because both dogs are new to having another dog in their living place. They're getting better! They're learning when and when not to do things that will upset the other one.
Like Daisy waits until the other dog walks completely away from her plate before she goes and eats. We'll take it slow and see if they can learn.
The only time they fight is if the other dog is chewing on a toy and leaves it and then daisy goes to play with it and the other dog is territorial over it... then she tries to bite daisy.
Its only happened a few times but its getting better.

May 27th - Perfect place

So we found the perfect place to rent but it was well above our budget. It didnt even include utilities. It included hot water and heat but no cable and Internet. Its such a nice suite but I would have to pay an extra 100 dollars a month just to get the Internet and cable hooked up.
The landlord was really nice and cut off 50$ off rent for us.
We took a day to think about it and then got back to them and said it just wasnt within our price range. They understood and that was the end of that.
Now today we get a phone call back from them asking if we still want the suite. They say that they can cut off another 50$ until we can afford to pay it. They were really understanding about us being students.
But what it comes down to is not the fact that they re cutting the price down for us.. its that theres no utilities... and we have to cover for that. The location isn't that great either. Although its a 2 min walk to a really nice trail. Its not in price range.
Finding a place is a hassle.

May 26th - Wondering about the future

Right now I've been thinking alot about the future. We went to that wedding that prince charmings mom invited me to go to. It was BEAUTIFUL! So gorgeous and you could tell the people who were getting married were "loaded". I wonder about the future alot. How are prince charming and I going to be able to afford a big wedding? How are we going to be able to afford a house? We struggle to pay our car insurance lol. I'm starting to see that schooling is so important. Its the foundation to a better future. To get somewhere... you gotta get off your bum and work for it lol!

Btw I think I looked pretty nice at the wedding :) Prince charming and I matched colours :)

May 25th - Found many places

So we found a place and they loved us! Wanted us to move in right away but they told us to drop the deposit off the next day. We went and then they told us that they asked their land lords if they could have a dog on the property and the land lord said ABSOLUTELY NOT. So this leaves me kind of confused... Are renters allowed to rent the place they are renting at?
I feel kind of like we were lied to... but honestly... it wasn't that great of a place anyways.

We then took the opportunity to find another place. This place was cheaper but sooo dirty and disgusting. It was not livable under my standards.

May 24th - Finding a new place

So it came down to it that I may have to find a new place. We've already looked at maybe 9 places in our area but havent been able to lock one down. Some people are just very weird lol. The reason I may have to move is because lately my moms dog has been attacking my dog and I cant have that! For her own safety I need to get her out of here.

May 23 - I'm sick

So I actually got sick. Anyone that knows me knows that I rarely get sick. When I do get sick though... its BAD. I'm a very clean person. I have to have things a certain way. I suppose I have a bit of ocd. It was the worst feeling ever! I had a fever which was something I hadn't had since I was little. Everything felt hot and cold. Every breath I took felt extremely hot. Prince charmings mom got sick aswell!
Prince charming advised me to take an Advil but I refused ( I dont believe in medicine unless its completely necessary ) I feel medicine only covers up the problem rather then fixing it. It also has consequences.
Note:
I did however, after a while did take an Advil and it did help me! I couldn't believe it. I guess I kind of understand why people take Advil now lol.

May 22 - Prince charming is sick

Prince charming is so sick today! Hes shivering and has a feaver and it's just so heart breaking to see. All I can do is let him rest. He caught it from his little brother and sister.
Lets hope I dont get it.

May 21st - Proud of myself today

Since I've reduced my eating drastically I've been eating smaller portions and I really think its helped me in my weight loss.
Today I ate
bubble tea! (for the first time)
Broccoli soup
and mashpotatos

It might seem like I under ate... but I didnt lol
You have no idea how many struggles I faced today! I watched prince charming eat a kfc burger and that was extremely hard yet liberating that I was able to control myself. He ate it because his mom bought it for him which is fine. I didnt feel asthough it was a lash against my new 5 week challege to give them up.
Also at work today I get prince charming a pop from the vending machine every day and I was tempted to get myself an ice tea or even a juice but I didnt. I opted for water and felt great with my choice.
I was super hungry and told prince charming I wanted to order panago but then when we started to turn I changed my mind thinking about all the calories that wernt worth it. I'm going to be eating alot at the family reunion anyways this saturday.
Today ironically when I got home from work my mom had bought pizza and even though they only saved me one piece... I didnt eat it lol. I think part of my will not to eat it had to do with the fact that they only had enough thought to save me one piece...and that piece looked as if someone had taken it and put it back because they remembered that I needed to eat too... I mean... they order a half an half pizza because I'm a vegitarian and they eat all the veggie before the meat size... that kind of gets me upset.
As you can see TONS of temptations came my way today and I'm sooo proud of myself right now.

May 20th - I've been invighted...

Ok so some of you may know prince charming right? Ok. Well his family invighted me to go to a wedding with them. I'm going to the reception and the wedding which is a pretty big deal for me. I'm actually pretty excited!
Something I havent mentioned was that prince charmings background is sikh. Although hes Christian, he was born sikh. Which is VERY SIMILAR to my culture which is islam. I'm muslim. And even though I dont look brown, I was brough up with the same cultural values and traditions. Which means that I wear suits and saries!

Prince charmings family hasnt seen me in a suit yet. I'm not even sure that his family even realizes how brown I am lol. His mom saw me breifly in a sari which she loved! I cant wait for his BiBi (grandma) to see me in a suit. I have a feeling that because I look like I'm not brown, alot of people dont think I know as much as I do. I mean... my closit is filled with suits and saris where as the average person on the street would look at me and think I was asian or something.

I know I'm going to look soooo hot lol. I want to look hot for price charming as I'm going to be his date lol. Now I just have to pick out the right sari to wear lol.
I'm sooooooo excited lol because this is the first time that theyre going to see me so dressed up. I feel like its a huge reveal lol.
Its not just prince charmings imideiate family thats going to be there, his cousins family will be there too. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time!.
I'm going to blow them away!

May 19th - Down another pound!

Ok so now is the time where I really need to be thinking about the future in regards to my weight. I am where I am now... and I CANT let myself gain! I need to be careful this time. I am officially 199.2 lbs. That is friken amazing! I've lost 7 lbs in just over a week and a half. Mind you it is probably water weight. I need to focus and realize that food is not a treat or something that I need to have all the time. Its something that fuels the body and it shouldn't be abused.
Today I had
egg mcmuffin and half a hash brown
ice tea
corn and mashpotatos for dinner
and then later on I had a blizzard and some of prince charmings onion rings.

Yessss... I knowwwww ONCE again all junky fried foods lol. All foods which are all high in calories.
I was looking at someones video on youtube today and she made this video where she is giving up 5 things for 5 weeks. I thought this was the most amazing idea!
I've decided to join along and here are my 5 things.
1. no kfc
2. no iced tea/soda
3. no oreos
4. MC Donald's fries
6. limit myself with chocolate as much as possible

I'm starting today, right now. Although its 2:21 am right now, I'm not going to define my starting point by starting in the "morning". No. I'm starting now. No excuses.

lol... Time to give my jar of oreo cookies away :P

May 18th - Carb Queen?

I'm a vegitarian by choice. Growing up my mom always labled me as a "carbitarian". Although it hurt my feelings sometimes, it was the truth. A lot of what I eat is heavy starchy food.
Today I ate
2 oreos
some nuts
a kfc burger
and some scalop potatos
oh and a wagen wheel.

Not bad for today... I think I have the reduced eating down for sure. I just need to get into healthier foods. That will be my goal for this week.

May 17th - Getting better with food track

So today I had
some nuts (I need them for protein)
2 packets of oatmeal
ceaser salad
3 slices of a SMALL pizza (cheese and tomato pizza)
Mango Tango slush drink (no alcohol) yay me! lol

At least I have some greens in there lol. I have no idea what the calorie count is but estimating I would think I went over by at least 300 calories. If I could go back I would have skipped out on the pizza. I ate it because I paid for it, not because I was hungry and the pizza was super grose lol. I gave the other half to my brother who gladly ate it lol. The reason I had the Cesar salad and pizza was because it was a girls night out. We went out for dinner in a down town pub and it was a good time. Really wish I hadent boughten the pizza though... TRULY do regret it.

May 16th - Eating today...

As said before, I've only been eating when I'm hungry or feel like I need to eat.
Today I had total junk but at least I didn't go over my calories. I've been snaking more then eating meals.
1 ice cream sandwich 120 cal
4 Oreo cookies 320
1 veggie burger from kfc 560 cal
1 root beer float. 380 cal
some nuts... no idea how many calories
I've started to log my foods down. Not necessarily calorie counting but just noting down what I've been eating. Its really helped me to see what types of foods I've had enough of. For example... I will defiantly not be wasting anymore calories on double stuffed oreo cookies. Theyre not even that good to begin with and sooo not worth almost 350 calories lol. I used to log down everything last year and I have no idea why I stopped. I'm going to keep doing it!
My goal for this week is to eat healthier foods!

May 15th - work and more work

Today I worked from 8am to 11am then took baby daisy to the vet to get her rabees shot redone and her booster shot. THEN I went back and worked from 2-7pm. What a day... I was soo incredibly tired because the night before I only slept 2 hours then had to head to work at 8 am. I sometimes feel like my sleep schedual is something that holds me back. I wish I could just sleep normally at normal times lol.
They say that people who sleep enough are the people who are less likely to be obese.

May 14 - Eating when hungry

For a person who eats for pleasure, it sure is hard to know when to stop. Lately I've really been focusing on eating when I'm hungry. I've been keeping super busy with work lately and its helping me out in a way.
I feel as though I can lose weight again it just takes commitment which is something that I need to be willing to put in. My weight as of last saturday May 8th was 206 pounds. My weight as of saturday May 15th is 201 lbs. I basically lost 5 lbs after getting back on track just this week.
I need to make it a long term goal like before other wise its not going to work out.

May 14th - Went walking

So today I woke up late because I didnt have work until 2pm. By the time I got off work I realized I hadent eaten yet. And where did we go? We went to a buffet... wrong choice. But I want to say something that I'm proud of. In the past I would feel down and upset about if I slipped while trying to eat right which would spiral into a depression but I'm going to look at the positives. Even though I over ate...50% of what I ate was salad. AND! I reacted to what I had done and went for an 45 min walk after! Not only that but because it was night time and no one was around, me and prince charming went and played on the play ground lol! Let me tell you how flippen amazing it was lol! It was quite the work out. We went up and down the jungle gym and all around the obstacle course. Even though it was a small play ground it was tough lol. I was sweating by the end. 10-15 mins of playing on the jungle gym as exercise? I'LL TAKE IT! lol.

Today wasnt a fail... it was a learning curve that I think I handled pretty well.

May 13th - Guess whos back?

That, my dear ladies... would be me :)
Its been far too long since I've posted! I was reading over someone's blog yesterday and it really reminded me of how much I miss posting! As far as everything goes I feel like I'm starting new with my posts since theres so much catching up to do :) A post a day keeps the weight away! We'll see lol.

So recently (a couple days ago) I've been messaging this person online. Dont worry, its a girl and its about working out! We've decided that we both should meet up and go do something once a week! Shes into trails and hikes and stuff... I'm already nervous ahah. We both weigh about the same so it will be neat losing it together!

Updates on prince charming... Our love is still strong as ever! he got hired at one of my job places! We officially work together again! lol We used to work at a place together years back but now we work at a new job together. I got hired last august and he got hired last week. We'll see how it goes :P July 7th will be our official one year anniversary... so many things we could do lol. We're thinking about going to the island together but I'm not sure how that would roll with my mum!

Another update... I haven't moved out yet. I took the advice someone posted on one of my blogs and thought about it a lot. I'll take the help I get now and appreciate it. Family is still family lol.

As for my weight loss heres the scale... I've started fresh since monday and since have lost 3 lbs! So thats means... 22 lbs to go till my first goal.


1. 180lbs
2. 170lbs
3. 160lbs
4. ***150!***

March 18th - Thinking about moving out...

I want to be independent... I want to be FREEEE... but I'm scared shitless that I wont be able to make it on my own.
Living on your own costs alot and I have school coming and thats going to affect my grades if I try to work enough to pay for rent and stuff. Plus I'm scared of leaving my shelter.... I basically only come home to sleep. I'm usually out and about... if not working or school.. I'm at prince charmings house.
We've talked about living together but I'm not sure its as easy as it sounds. Plus going from paying NO rent... to 700$ RENT.. thats expensive lol.
I'm trying to think long term here... I wish there was someone I could talk to about what its like to move out so young. I know people do it... but it just seems really stressful.

March 17th - I'm only fat when i stand next to you!

Do any of you ever have that mentality?
You start off looking and feeling great! Did your make up, blowing yourself kisses in the mirror... winking and smirking at how good you look... and then you meet up with your friends or have a picture taken with them and you're just like... UGHHHH.. at the way you look standing next to them.

lol. I read this quote on a t shirt once and it was like..."god... if you cant make me skinny... please make my friends fat!"
LOL thats too funny. I would secretly love to wish someone fat and have them live through what I live each day. Going up the stairs isnt an easy task lol. I can almost taste my goal weight in my mouth. It's there... just within arms reach lol.

March 16th - Thinking about calorie counting again?

Now I know how much I HATED this with a passion. But i DID lose the weight when I did this for a month. I lost 11 lbs. So I think its time to start again for a bit just to get me back on track. I havent gone swimming since my birthday because I've been so busy but its something I really miss. I love swimming!
My gym pass runs out in June so I gotta get using the pass soon lol.

I paid 400 dollars for a years pass and I swear I probably only used like 4 months consecutively... geeze... not sure If I'll be doing that again lol

March 15th - A new puppy?

So prince charming and I went to the flea market a couple of days ago and he saw this one puppy. Totally caught his eye. And he wanted it instantly. I told him to take down the number of the people and then we left. The rest of the day Prince charming was soooo upset and so we talked it over and drove out to go get her.

The puppy we chose is a big one. Its half huskey/wolf. Cute as can be. Black coat and its name is Lucy. She is quite the hand full! I kid you not, oh my goodness if anyone is thinking about having children... get a puppy first. See how it feels.
Sleepless nights, money being spent... exhuasting days ahead for us lol.

March 14th - The ring...

March 10th - The ring...

So on my birthday prince charming bought me a promise ring. Its sooo beautiful I was speechless. He told me originally that he wanted to buy me a ring and he took me shopping to pick one out. This one was the one that caught my eye and it was EXPENSIVE. They're real diamonds. I told him not to buy me a ring... I told him the one I had was just fine. He then agreed not to buy me one and then on my birthday he gave it to me. It was so expensive that I didn't think he would really get it for me.

Now I don't know exactly what the symbol of a promise ring is... All I know is that I'm promised to him. I love him alot

Good things do come to those who wait... I found him didn't I? :)
Now I just have to wait for the weight loss to happen lol (+ or - a little exercise lol)

March 13th - clubbing again

Went to a club... was more like a bar scene. It was too small in there and it wasnt my thing. I'm more into the dancing... this place was more like a lounge.
Defiantly going to try a different place next time.
Prince charming is still kind of worried about me going without him. I find it cute and only wish he could be there with me.
I hate how when I go to order a drink, I dont know anything about the names of them. I usually just ask for something fruity and they give it to me. It probably isnt the best idea lol.
I'm not a heavy drinker... I mean I waited till I was 19 to have my first drink. So one drink knocks me out lol. It tastes bad and is sooo not worth the 10$ a drink.

March 12th - Why cant I make videos?

The weight loss community is sooo different then what it used to be 1-2 years ago. Subscribers that I had back then are now gone. And the amount of people who are in the community has increased dramatically.

I have no idea why I dread the thought of posting videos so much. I make the videos... but I just dont post them.
Maybe its just not my thing anymore?!

March 11th - Weight loss so far

My weight loss so far is actually going AMAZING! I've lost weight and I'm happy with it happening slow. The reason why is because I figure that last time I didnt make it a life style change. Now i'm slowly incorporating it into my life.
The weight is coming off slow but thats ok!

I remember last year I lost like 30 pounds in 3 months. I wasnt hard. All I did was eat every 2 hours and most of it was fruit and then a big salad at night... I ate A LOT of food lol... just all healthy... and then at night time, I went running or walking for half an hour.
Feels like just yesterday I was skinny aha

March 10th - Family Birthday Dinner

So my family had a small birthday dinner since I didnt on my actual day. I talked to my aunt whos a nurse and she totally turned me off being one.
I know what I want to be in life. Its just that its going to take so much upgrading and stuff to get there :(. I considered being a nurse because my pre reqs were easy to upgrade and get into... Life's so complicated... how do you know where you want to go before you've experienced anything.

Someone mentioned to me the other day that if you look at half the nurses, alot of them are over weight and unhappy. Its more often then not that you come across a nurse thats mean then nice. Its because they carrey alot of baggage with them.
I DO NOT want to be that type of person in life.

March 9th - Going to India?

So prince charmings family invited me to go to India with them in December. But theres two issues. 1. I need to save up ALOT. And 2. I need to lose the weight before then (Which can be done). We'll be gone for a month and I'm honestly not sure if I can handle it lol. I'm too westernized.

-Alot of planning ahead lol

March 8th - saw alice in wonderland 3d

Hey guys so we took prince charmings little brother and sister out to see their first 3d movie and it was sooo cute! The smile on their faces was priceless. I've come to realize that I love little kids... I was beginning to think that I didn't because the high pitched voice that you keep hearing can get really hard on the ears after a period of time.

Anyways... children someday lol and then I'll get fat again with pregnancy.
Its a cycle lol.

March 7th - My first experience clubbing

OMG... I'm officially addicted. I LOVE clubbing. Its so much fun. Feels like a high school dance but 10 times better.
We all started off meeting at Boston pizza for dinner and then after we went to my place and partied it up a bit. After the limo driver picked us up and took us an hour away to go clubbing then we came back and man... it was a night to remember. I'm surprised that I didn't gain any weight lol. I ATE ALOT. I thought I might be back at 205 lol. Its time to kick it into full gear tomorrow. Oh and these jolly roger things... flipping amazing!!! (maybe they re called jolly ranchers... idk)

Take care!

March 6th - My birthday is tonight

I turn 19 tonight at 12 midnight and the limo is already picking us up... omggg so stoked! I bought this super cute blue and black dress that covers alot of hazard zones on my body lol. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited lol.
Wish me luck.

p.s We're trying to get prince charming in with a fake id. Hopefully it all goes well.

March 5th - Pedicure and my thoughts...

Not my thing. First off... I don't like people touching my feet. Feet are gross lol. Second, I couldn't stop laughing when she was doing that sanding thing at the bottom of my feet. Third, even the massage was awkward because I don't let people touch my feet ever.

Over all experience was awkward but funny. The Asian ladies kept laughing at me cause I couldn't stop making faces and breaking into laughter when they touched my tickle spots.
My toes look cute though... but doesn't seem like something I cant do at home...
$55.. and lets just say... its good to try something at least once :P

March 4th - Manicures and Pedicures

I LOVE getting a manicure! but I've never had a pedicure... they gross me out lol. I hate feet with a strong passion. I had no idea why lol. All my friends even know it without me having to tell them. I'm always the one who wears running shoes in summer instead of sandals and covers my toes with sand at the beach so no one can see them. Or the person who ALWAYS has socks on. I just hate feet lol. Not to say that I'm neglect mine lol. So anyways today I'm going for my first pedicure.. I wonder how I'll take it. The reason I'm getting it done is because my birthday is in like 2 days.

Prince charming is taking me to a store tomorrow to buy me a ring. I think its a promise ring type of thing lol. For valentines day he bought me a necklace in the shape of a heart that was engraved with "forever" on it lol sooo cute. He wants me to pick out my ring though cause I'm pretty particular on what I wear and stuff lol

I'm super excited about my bday with the limo taking us around and stuff. It's going to be a blast! Anyways I'm swimming every single day again. I just missed Tuesday that's all.

Hope all is going well guys!

March 3rd - Hypnosis 2

Ok so I went for my second hypnosis session and this one was in regards to why and how I became plus sized (for lack of better words). The hypnotherapist sat me in a chair and I went out so easy! Turns out the main trigger was when I was around 3 years old. My mom would force me to eat and specifically guilted me into finishing my food. She would say things like "people in Africa are starving!" or "I paid a lot of money for that!" and "If you don't eat all your food you aren't leaving this table!" and that is what the conclusion came to which developed my eating habits. This IS where my eating habits began. The hypnotherapist helped me in a way that I cant even explain. I always thought that my lifestyle was bad because I didn't exercise. I though it was because I didn't eat the right foods... but really, with a deeper meaning, it really was the fact that I don't know when to say stop. I was in shock when I came out of hypnosis. I explained that I couldn't even REMEMBER a time where I had not finished my meal. I ALWAYS finish my food and if there is more to take I take more as well. The only time I pack up my food is when I feel like throwing up from stuffing myself and can no longer eat. I remember being with prince charming and he would take bites of his hamburger and then put it away and eat it again after 10 mins. I never really understood why he did that, turns out he says its because he gets bored of eating... god I don't think I've ever been bored of eating... I love food!! Its always prince charming that is first to say "I don't want anymore" and then he doesn't eat it. Where as I'll eat my food.. AND THEN i'll eat the rest of his lol. He is the one that can refuse food and when I ask him why he simply says " I just don't want any". I can really see the connection about what my mom installed into me when I was young. She made it so that I felt guilt for food. I look at hypnotherapy as a way of understanding myself. It was cool how she took me back to when I was 3 years old and pin pointed my first trigger to my eating habits. And let me tell you all she did was ask me about my first thought when I was younger while I was under hypnosis and it was almost like I was 3 again... SOOOOO STRANGE!!!
My cluster phobia is practically gone thanks to her. I can look at things I've never looked at before and its almost like I've seen life in new eyes. Before the session I couldn't even say the word "cluster" without getting itchy and irritable. Once in the grocery store I saw a texture that bothered me and my eyes started to water... I almost cried, it was that bad!

Anyways so I'm basically 194. I'm excited because I'm coming to learn more and more about myself. You cant fix something if you dont go to the root of the problem!

Take care
Tishy

March 2nd - You're too fat to date me...

Some of you may have seen the video that was posted on my youtube around the month of last May. It was a video which told about how I had met someone online. Although we had been talking everyday for like 5 months straight AND he knew I was losing weight and had lost 35 lbs, he turned me down when he met me. He said "I'm sorry but I'm just not physically attracted to you." I asked him how much I had to lose in order to date him and be with him (keep in mind I was head over heels for this guy) and he said "get to 130". Now mind you... my OVERALL goal... my perfect goal weight was 150 lbs. I had never even thought of getting down to 130 lbs. Everything I had worked so hard for vanished just because of a few simple words.

I've come to realize that there was alot more then just me eating alot which lead to me gaining my weight back. I went through a very VERY hard blow with that. As much as I didnt want to admit... all my confidence was gone after that day. I had never had a boyfriend and I had never even really experienced having a guy as a friend. You could only imagine such an innocent mind frame going through that.

Last year when I lost my weight and reached 170lbs my mother got depressed. I know this because she told me. I was officially skinnier then her. She started going to the gym and walking every day just like I did but of course she didnt follow threw with it. I went from hearing "YOU'RE FAT" to "You're looking good!" And let me tell you, my confidence back then was amazing. I wasn't cocky... I was just so much more happy with life and what it gave me. I was approachable! I made so many new friends... now I just hide in doors with my baggy clothes. I've only now come to realize that it was probably the incident with that online boy that triggered my lack of confidence. I DO NOT blame myself. I truly and fully love myself and accept myself for the person that I am. This is something I've struggled with for a long time. And now its time to do it again. I'm down 12 lbs now and im 3 lbs from being half way to my goal weight. (170 lbs)

I hope that wasn't too hard to follow! basically I was talking about what I think triggered my weight loss to come to a stop. I stopped caring and I don't blame myself for it.

My mom had a talk with me 2-3 times last week in regards to weight watchers. Shes going on and on about how I should join with her. I just laugh and say why pay money when I know I can do it on my own. I lost all my weight without the support of people around me. I HAD YOUTUBE as my support lol and that was enough. Anyways... I dont think I'll be joining weight watchers anytime soon... mind you I think its a REALLY cool support system! I just dont have the money.

Now... Prince charming (which most of you should know :) has a wonderful mother who is a very experienced hypnotherapist. She did her first session on me to cure a phobia that has been bothering me for about 17 years of my life. It was so odd to let her do that. I was scared at first because it meant giving up full control. I had some sort of "CLUSTER-phobia" It meant that I was extremely irritable when it came to textures and certain things in clusters. eg. honey combs, cells, the inside seeds of green and red peppers... when I saw these things it got to the point where I would almost start crying... I know, weird eh?
Anyways after the session she showed me pictures of my fear and I felt fine! I couldn't BELIEVE IT! I'm still shocked.
Anyways she mentioned that she needed 4 volunteers to do a weight loss band hypnotherapy. Apparently there are only 3 in the province that can do it and she is one of them. Anyways I thought what the heck! LETS DO IT! lol So I volunteered and its going to be for 2 months that I see her for 8 sessions of hypnotherapy in regards to my weight loss. I'm soooo stoked lol! I'm already losing weight but hey if this can give me the confidence to pull through then HELL YES i'm up for it lol. If it were something like an experimental drug or weight loss pill I wouldn't even think about it, the answer would be NO. but I trust her with this. So yea, starting tomorrow I get to do it. Im kind of worried because I turn 19 on Sunday and I'm going clubbing and stuff and I was planning on eating lots of good food. I asked her if it was likely that I wont allow myself to have that stuff when the time comes and she said yes. She offered to start it after my bday but I want to do it ASAP. I cant wait!!! I'll let you guys know how it goes tomorrow.

March 1st - It's been a while!

Hey guys! So its already march 1st and I haven't posted since the 21st of Feb. I had a bit of a mental break down over the last week. BUT I am happy to say that I'm back where I was at 194 lbs. My birthday is in a week and my goal is to get rid of those 4 lbs so I can be in the 180's and trust me, I'm going to make it happen lol!
I did read the 2 comments that were posted under my last blog and I just wanted to say thank you so much for the kind words.
A lot is happening right now and it had gotten to the point where I no longer felt happy with myself... with my journey. I hated myself for a bit there and its sad for me to admit that.

Over all, I've come to realize that I'm not alone.
Life goes on and its up to us to choose how we live it.
Stay strong <3

February 21st - Verbal abuse hurts...

Do you deal with people telling you are fat every single day? Probably not. And if you do, chances are that its not by your own mother. I wish I would atleast be able to say that it was with words of love in a kind simple tone. Instead I get it yelling to the point where I feel like crying.

If you are going through what I am... just know that you're not alone.
Verbal abuse is hard to take... but its ok. Just keep your chin up.

February 20th - Night waiting at the hospital

Last night we went to a hockey game from 5pm to 10 pm where prince charmings cousin was playing... he ended up breaking his arm during the game. We had to get him to emergency and wait 3 hours to be told that he had to come back in the morning to have the bones re-aligned.
In the morning he ended up having to have surgery. Because of the unexpected emergency, I didn't have time for exercise... it was already too late at night. We got home around 2am

February 19th - 2010 olympics made me walk!

lol So today we went to see the 2010 Olympics and it was quite the thing to see. Everything was packed and I got to go on a sky train for the first time since I was like 5! Super super exciting!
We must have walked like 4 hours worth... I was exhausted by the time I got home that I passed out.
I have no idea what I'll do today for exercise... maybe roller blading or something. We'll see :P
Gosh I'm craving one of my salads.
OMG while in Vancouver there was this place in the mall where you could make your own salad!! It was so weird lol so I did it :P My salad ended up coming to like 9 bucks though :( What a jip. I could have made like 3 of my own salads for the same prince lol. It was my first time though so I had really no indication of what my salad may come out to be $. Next time I'll pick toppings that weigh less lol since they charge by weight.

Anyways take care!

February 18th - 17 days to go!

17 days until my birthday and the end of my challenge.
I went swimming today and let me tell you that I'm catching up to when I was at 194.4lbs on Feb 12th. I weighed myself today and I was 198.2 so that's sooo good considering that on valentines day I went back up to 200. I only have 4 lbs to go until I'm back to where I was... That is a piece of cake. I can almost taste it.
And after I lose these 4 lbs... I only have 4 more to be in the 180's! OMG so exciting!

I'm really happy that progress is happening even if its slow.
I can feel myself changing. I'm no longer craving that "stuffing" feeling. When I was eating veggie burgers and fries I would like 2 or 3 servings. I would eat until it hurt. Now I can feel the moderation change. I eat every 2 hours on the hour.
I feel so much better then yesterday. I've also decided to take mini clips of every day just saying what I did each day for exercise. AT the end of the week I'm going to post a video and hopefully it will let me get back into posting videos again :)

The body is so funny. When it doesn't like what you are putting into it... it makes you fat. What a way to get back at you eh? ;) I don't think that the tongue and the brain work together. :P

Tishy205

February 17th - Video Phobia?

I tried to make a video today... one of me talking. I spoke about so much but I just couldn't bring myself to post it. I feel like I have some insecurity on my shoulders. I used to be able to make videos on a whim and post them with in the hour of filming them. I now feel different. I feel brutally honest in some senses. I feel like I have so many people judging me now. So many people expecting me to tell them what to do and so many people watching to see if I can do it again. I feel like I'm too judgemental on my own as well.
I feel like this is no longer my journey alone.

I feel so overwhelmed... I think I'm PMS'ing lol.
Anyways... the only thing that we can do is hold on tight and keep pushing through.
Hopefully I can get back into regular videos again... Its something I want to do but I'm afraid for some reason...

February 16th - Bought new food

So I stalked up on lots of new foods. I went through my logs and as assumed... I'm going to be eating a lot of non processed foods.
Me and prince charming are going swimming in the morning. I did pretty good on my eating tonight. I think it was good for a first day.
I had pineapple, big salad, cheese sticks, nuts and then I had some desert... (probably not the best choice but its ok.) I also watched two new movies... Obsessed (with beyonce) and ONG bak! Both were really good :)

Anyways take care guys!

February 15 - Time to read the old diary

So I've decided that I'm going to check my old history of my weight loss last year. While I was losing weight last year I logged down everything I ate. I hopefully can get back into routine with eating what I did... basically living off healthy food...:P

I was discussing with prince charming that the first time we went for sushi back in august, I didn't finish my food. I never finished my food. He usually had to force me to eat regularly because I just wouldn't eat when I wasn't hungry. I had a lot more self control back then... Its going to be work getting it back. I find it almost unbelievable that I could give up food before. The eating habits were so different!!!

Since my mom came back from India she lost 20 lb. Shes pushing it very hard to keep up with her weight loss. She walks every day and eats only healthy food now. I'm lucky that I have that support although more then not, I'm hearing about how I "should be trying to lose weight".

My birthday is in 3 weeks.... Are you ready?

February 14th - Valentines day

Today was a great day... I don't even know how to describe it with enough justice. I did work today but right after prince charming took me to dinner. I had such a great time. Starting with a salad and taking most of my dinner home. Prince charming gave me a present. He bought me a jewelry box and engraved " I love you" on the front and inside was a necklace shaped like a heart... the heart said "forever" on it. It was soooo cute!

After such a great night, I do plan on getting onto full gear tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day... a new start... and for those of you who are continuing... don't give up... for those of you who have yet to start again... its never too late.

Take a deep breath and smile.. because tomorrow is our time to shine!

February 13th - Confidence

Why is it that when you start to lose weight you gain confidence? Is it because you now know that you are in charge of your life? When I was 175 lbs I was SO confident in myself. Hell I even flirted and started going out a lot more. That exact feeling that I felt when I was 175 is something I crave to feel now. I look at myself and think... how the heck did I have the confidence to do that then? I have no idea. Does weight loss and confidence come hand in hand?

We'll find out... once I reach 175 again lol

February 12th - Are you ready?

I'm going to set a challenge for myself. For 15 days I'm going to go walking/jogging 5 days of the week. I remember last year, I lost most of my weight running. So I hope to do so again. I think the hard part is just getting into the routine.

Starting Feb 15th... the hardest part is the beginning!
We can do it!

February 11th - Valentines day is coming

I used to hate Valentines day. I ignored the fact that the world was changing into red and white colours. I didn't like the fact that I had never been in a relationship. And the thing was... it wasn't me. It just wasn't my time yet. Love is something that is unexplainable. It just happens... especially when you least expect it (so I've come to learn lol)

But for those of you who have valentine sweethearts, remember that... you have started this journey and come so far and you don't have to end it now. Make wise choices and order something that is healthy yet satisfying. Marinara sauces have less calories then a cream based sauce. Pre plan ahead of time what you think you may want so it doesn't cause a binge later.

Prove to yourself that you can make the right choices.

February 10th - Over all thoughts of calorie counting

Calorie counting is such a pain. I feel like I have to dedicate so much time for it. I have however become more cautious with what TYPES of things that I put into my mouth. I drink really low cal juice if I need something sweet instead of the pop cans I used to. I also know that there is always an alternate (as I stated in my previous post).

I've come to realize that calorie counting is beneficial overall if you can handle the constant logging. So it is a thumbs up for helping you change your life style!

February 9th - Clean off your plate!!??

I'm trying to see the difference between the eating habits of healthy children compared to obese ones. Its quite obvious that to say that not only small children play sports. I was always quite big and I played soccer for 12 years. So to those statistics that told me I would be skinny if I ran a lot... you lied! lol.

Were any of you guys told to clean off your plate every night at dinner? or, as my mom would say, "people are starving in Africa!" And I would feel terrible. Even to this day I cant stand seeing people waste food! Prince charming on the other hand eats everything and more and never gains weight. I watch his little brother and sister sometimes. I offer them ice cream and candy and more then not they refuse. I offer them food and often ask if they are hungry and they almost always reply with no.

I tried to explain to prince charming that food is delicious... that it gives pleasure and that it makes me happy. He explained that he knew his limits and that if he ate too much it would hurt. This is why he can eat a burger and stop right after... where as... I ate 3 veggie burgers today.
I think I'm more willing to want to taste the food then he may be... I dont know. Further research is needed lol.

Anyways in conclusion, I'm still deciding on weather I should tell my children to lick their plates clean or to throw away good food. Children are very influential and one step now could mean the path they take the rest of their lives.

February 8th - Too much school/work no exercise

I'm noticing with me trying to get back into the routine of going to school again I've completely ran against a wall (Thats what it feels like). It feels like I'm fighting to follow a routine and its proving to be work. When a diet/health plan seems like work... then you are very unlikely to succeed in the long run. My mom went to India a month ago and phoned me last night reminding me that the clothes she was buying for me weren't going to fit unless I lost weight again. She on the other hand lost 25 lbs in about a week. She went to this health camp and they basically starved her from my understanding... although she wants to continue with the "lifestyle" that they set her on. We'll see how long that lasts! No offense. I have faith but she lost it unhealthy and so its going to be hard.
This is almost a way for me to test out the fact that crash diets dont work (Although half of her day was spent exercising as well but small portions of food basically starved herself).

Tishy205

February 7th - Bad digestion

Feel like youre not digesting well? Its probably because you arnt eating enough fruits and veggies. I went today and yesterday without going to the washroom and realized that its because I've stuck to processed foods. I think I'll try a veggie only week just to clean out my system or a 3 day soup cleanse. We'll see.

Tishy205

February 6th - Slow progress? Time to change it up!

Ok. So now that I'm somewhat rested lol I'm going to begin again. I need to get back into fat blasting mode! I've come to realize just how wonderful prince charming is to me. The support he gives me is unbelievable. I only wish more progress was happening. If I don't hurry, I'll be behind from last year.

Anyways Tomorrow is continuation of the 28 day challenge I set for myself :)
Take care, and have fun guys!

February 5th - A break is needed

I've come to realize that pushing your body extremely hard is just not a smart thing to do. I was going swimming every day, rollerblading every other day... and working every day. I just wiped myself out and its no wonder that I've been dieing for more sleep and food.
Its now my second day in a row that I haven't exercised. If you think about it.. out of 4 weeks... to not take 1 break from exercise... that's pretty extreme. I've come to realize that come Sunday I'll get back on track with my exercise. I need this time to a little R&R.

So don't push it too hard guys... its just gonna lead to you passing out lol No matter how much you love the exercise you are doing.

February 4th - Difference in body but not on scale?

I can actually see my curves now. I look at myself in the mirror and appreciate how my body looks. I have the shape I want now. I just need to lose the pounds to be more proportioned. I think because this is my second time around, I have more appreciation for my body. I know not to over react and to take things easy. Its funny because I see the difference in my body but I don't see the numbers going down. I don't know if the exercises I'm doing is plateauing... (it shouldn't be so soon) But I need to do something about this quick.

Do any of you feel like you are a lower weight then the scale says? I never really knew how big I was until I saw proof of pictures from a family vacation in 2008. It hit me pretty hard. I feel like I'm 190 right now but really I'm 194.2. I hope that by Sunday I can clean out my system because I feel like everything is super clogged up. I'm looking for a good way to flush out but am still looking for a good detox as well.

Today was the only day so far from my 28 day challenge that I didn't exercise. I've been so tired lately... I think I'm just pushing it too hard with work and stuff. I can honestly say that I've done 15 days straight of exercise and that's something to be proud of. I've exercised in the rain even and that's dedication lol.

I also feel like I want to start posting more videos. At the same time I feel like my self confidence is not as high as it will be when I am around 185... I remember last year my self confidence boosted up super high around this weight. I was fitting into smaller clothes and just overall was much happier. I'm slowly getting into putting on make up and stuff again. I do it when I have time and stuff. I think I have an eye infection right now though because my left eye hurts in the corner. It hurts so bad that I'm scared to put in my contacts which is fine... lol. "less work"

I'm also feeling very uneasy because its my friends birthday on the 26th of feb and my birthday is on the 7th of march... so that's about a week and a half difference from me going clubbing. I missed a whole year of clubbing due to being younger then all my friends. I feel frustrated because I cant go... but at the same time the whole jolt for me wanting to lose weight was so I could look good again for stuff like clubbing and feeling more confident and stuff. I feel like one of my friends isn't as close as she once was. I feel like shes not really dependable which is sad actually. People change over time... its part of life... it sucks.I guess I just feel super restricted right now.


Anyways good luck staying on track :)
Tishy205

February 3rd - Unexpected weight gain

Does anyone else fear the thought that they gained? I feel the same way. I almost have come to the point where I don't want to weigh myself because if I went up in numbers I'll feel like my whole week was waisted. I've also come to find that certain foods make me unable go to the washroom. I went to a new sushi place on Monday and since haven't been able to go to the washroom. I gained 3 pounds due to it! (I know too much shared but this journey is about learning how your body works.) Main point... I'm not going there anymore. Anyways SO what I'm trying to say is that its nearly impossibly to even gain .5 of a pound with one day of binging. You need to consume 3500 calories MORE THEN WHAT YOU EAT IN A DAY... so basically eating 6500 calories a day to gain a pound. HIGHLY unlikely. So if you gained... no sweat.. you probably just need to go to the washroom lol.

I've also been eating a lot of SUBWAY lately. I get it almost every day or every other day. A veggie delight is low in calories but my dark side needs the south west sauce. I LOVE IT.

Working out has been strong. I'm almost 2 weeks down with only 2 more to go! Can you believe it? Everything is happening sooo fast! Valentines day is just around the corner!

February 2nd - Did you take a shower today?

Have you noticed your appearance slowly disintegrate? I sure have ahah. When I was 175-170... even 180lbs I noticed I took care of my appearance. You can even see the proof in my videos. Even now I've come to find that every day I will wear my glasses and I don't care much about my make up anymore. The bigger I got... the more discouraged I got. BUT as the weight comes off slowly, I'm starting to feel proud and happy. Prince charming hugged me the other day in the pool and said he felt a difference in my size. I couldn't help but smile. Its funny because he does everything I do as support. But when we weighed him, he gained a pound lol. Our bodies are all so different its insane... SHEESH! You never know what they want! lol.

Anyways so at work a couple of days ago I decided to put in my contacts and pretty up my face a bit! One of the older sales associates comes up to me and says he likes my hair..."looks like you actually showered today!" He smiles at me.
WTFFFFF lol I felt sooo bad about myself right after that. I mentioned what he said to my friend (the ex chubby) yesterday and she laughed and said that hes said that to her before too. God! FOR YOU MEN out there reading this take my advice and DONT SAY THAT TO A GIRL! That's terrible lol.
Anyways appearance can mean a lot. It means a lot even if you are big or small. It shows you take care of yourself and its actually a big factor in the whole mating ritual that humans do. (Read it in a magazine!) Men like women who look after themselves apparently?!?! aha

Ok anyways so I'm starting school again and so I'll be changing my availability for all my work jobs. Hopefully I can focus more on my weight loss and school. Working 4 jobs is really stressful. I understand that the money wont be pouring in as much but that's something that's not important right now. Anyways Wish me luck!! :)

Tishy205

February 1st - Aqua FIT + Pizza?

Lol so today I did my first aqua fit class. Its like and aerobics class in water! And I took a nap after and when I woke up, my whole body hurt sooo bad! I must have gotten a great work out. The instructor said that our class today was equivalent of sprinting 16 mins worth lol. Very cool! The whole class itself took 45 mins with a 10 min stretch at the end.

I've also posted new videos on YouTube. My total weight loss for January is 11 pounds. I plan to lose no less then 9 lbs this month because then I will be at 185! Defiantly do-able lol.
I've checked my weight loss schedule from last year and technically last year I took two breaks. The breaks consisted of a week each and then about 2 weeks to get back on track. So if I push it hard and take no breaks... I'll be losing weight faster then I did last year.

My whole inspiration to losing weight fast this time is because of my birthday. All my friends are older then me. I'm not 19 yet so while all my friends go clubbing... I cant. I'm not saying that I'm some party animal... but I have to miss out on alot of things. With my birthday in march, I want to look damn fineeee for my bday lol.

So yesterday for work we did a full count of the store. It took us about 7 hours! It was late so we all got treated to pizza. Even though I haven't been eating that type of junk for 2 weeks now... I had no hesitation to have a piece. I felt great! I was starving and needed food anyways. I was happy! Not because I was eating pizza, but because I had done so well these past two weeks and I could afford to eat it without worry! Now... if you have been keeping up with my previous posts you may have read something about a (ex chubby) friend of mine who lost weight :P So anyways... she comes and sits down and everyone asks her if shes going to eat pizza. She says no and tells us that she had dinner already a couple of hours before. Now... how many of you would have taken at least 1 piece just to blend in? Temptation is something we all struggle with clearly... I thought about how she approached the scenario and couldn't stop thinking about it for hours. Its really different... big peoples eating habits from smaller peoples eating habits.
*mind you... her family owns a pizza store... so I don't know how that plays in.*

Anyways still staying strong with exercise and eating right!
Love, Tishy205

January 30th - This will make you fail...

It's not so much about the physical transformation I don't think. I truly see our weight loss journeys as being a self reflecting time. I came to realize (after my first experience of losing weight) what exactly I did wrong. We all start our journey with the "want" to feel happy. We want to look in the mirror and feel beautiful. We want to be "skinny". I came to see that the true quest is more a mind set factor.

I started my journey last year with the thought that if I lost weight I would be happy. But to be honest, every single day that looked in the mirror I still thought I was fat, And this was even at my lowest weight of 170 lbs. You need to accept yourself the way you are before any of this can work. I basically set myself up to fail. I was self consumed with wanting to lose weight and even thought I did it the healthy way, I didn't learn from my experience. I just watched it from the side lines. I thought that losing weight would solve all my problems. I felt like I needed to lose more and more weight when in fact, I think I looked pretty damn good! (This is me looking back at me as 170 while being 205 lbs lol).

So my advice from personal experience is that you try to accept and love yourself as much as you can before your journey. If you think about it, all this binging that we do, all this unhealthy stuff we do to ourselves... that's not loving ourselves... If you love yourself, you wont do that. There are bigger problems then "food" going on in someones life when they do this to themselves. They have issues that need to be taken care of. I figure loving yourself and weight loss come hand in hand. If you don't care for yourself first, then you wont know how to when you reach your goal weight. This is what happened to me. Learn how to love yourself and weight loss will come too.

Love,
Tishy205

January 29th - Fat people hate talking about fatness

I know this is a weird title but I've come to find over and over again that when I mention working out or exercise to a big person, they kind of change the subject. They look extremely uncomfortable and uneasy. I'm fat too you know! lol There's no need to be shy about it.
Recently at work, I mentioned to a girl (she was bigger) that I was going swimming and roller blading. I mentioned that I was trying to increase my exercise. At that point things got very awkward lol. I have no idea why!
Have you also noticed that (for those of you who have been skinny or lost weight before) people will approach you more when you're thin? I've COMPLETELY observed this when I was 170. At 170 I look like I'm 160. I looked lean and toned. I found that people were hitting on me (Something I had never experienced before), people were taking the time to talk to me more, and people were just over all more friendly. This goes for people I've know a long time too! I don't know weather it was me that had gained the confidence, or them to approach me.
Have you noticed that as well?

On the vise versa! Have you ever experienced the feeling when a skinny friend is telling you shes going to go work out or is on a DIET? Don't you think to yourself... "GIRL YOU'RE ALREADY SKINNY! DO US A FAVOUR AND GAIN SOME SO WE ALL LOOK THE SAME!" My friend of like 12 years was always a little chubby. She started off being the same weight as me during elementary school. Lost a tiny bit during middle school and was still fairly normal during high school. But after high school she dropped major pounds. She went from being 150-160 down to 130. I have no idea how she did it AND she claims she doesn't know how either. In my head I'm calling a little bullshit but hey, shes my friend! I'll trust her a little :P Anyways she talks about how she should go to the gym and stuff and in my mind I'm thinking... you're already skinny! No, in all honesty, I'm super happy for her and I cant wait to join her in "skinny-ville" But that's going to take time.

Anyways today was a hard day on me. Nothing seemed to be going right. On top of that, prince charmings mom bought me a veggie burger. I ate it this morning and it took over 1/3 of my calorie intake, I was quite upset. I like to be under my calorie limit as a safety net in case my estimates are wrong or in case I need a late night snack. With that in mind, it was almost like I had consumed 1/2 of my daily intake. I was too busy worrying about how I could eat the rest of the day and keep under budget. At least I ate it in the morning instead of at night because I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to digest it properly if I had slept on it. I am going roller blading tonight (sadly, by myself cause prince charming is at work) But that will bring my calorie count back down to average. Maybe I'll do some pussy cat doll work out movies while I'm at it lol. At 6 am I am going swimming so that should be fun. Even though Prince charming has to work a graveyard shift tonight, hes going to meet me at the pool at 7:30am right after work. Thats sooo sweet of him. Way to support me :P

Anyways ttyl guys! :)
Only 19 days to go!
Tishy205

January 28th - Exercise groove

Ok, so I've recently become almost addicted to exercise. I feel almost like I need it. I went roller blading last night at 11pm and then did a dance work out at around 3am and then went swimming for 2 hours at 6am where I then headed to work. Sadly, because the rest of my day was spent catching up on sleep, I was only able to do another 10 mins of a work out video tonight. I ended up burning over 1000 calories today just in exercise!
I love the feeling of doing something that's fun! I think whats most important to me then anything is that prince charming is there for me. I truly do appreciate the way hes there to support me 100%. He even tried doing the pussy cat dolls work out video with me today :P It was cute but he gave up after 5 mins. Too much booty shaking I guess lol.
I really do recommend everyone getting a work out dance video. It's so much fun and by the time I was done 20 mins this morning I was sweating buckets! Its so much fun learning dance routines. I remember when i was 13, I was in jazz dance classes and it was a lot of fun, although I opted to go into soccer instead the coming years after.

I've also created a binder yesterday where I log all my food that I eat and what I've done to work out everyday. In there I'm going to have 1 title page, 1 sheet protector for each month, meal plans, my pledge, goal pictures of myself at my lowest weight last year and possibly motivational thoughts. I've been contemplating a lot about sharing what I've written as my pledge with my viewers. I find it VERY personal but I feel as though if I show people what a pledge looks like, then it might inspire people to write their own.

I am also proud to say that my 28 day challenge is happening head strong! It has now been 8 days and I have exercised every single day so far! I only have 20 days to go!
Remember... valentines day is coming up :) And if you were one of those people who hated this day (like me for many many years) just remember that valentines day is what you make of it. Go out with friends have a good time (if you don't have someone), but make it your own day! Starting Sunday, we have 14 days to get down to business! Work it hard and stay on track! :)

Love, tishy205

January 27th - Dont do it if you Dont love it.

I just got back from roller blading with my new skates. BUT turns out they gave me one skate that was too small *rolls eyes* so one of my feet hurt very badly lol. I went for 25 mins and that's when I called it quits due to pain. I ended up reaching my daily calorie amount that I had set to meet today anyways.

Ok my point of today's post is that you shouldn't be doing something you don't feel happy doing. A lot of people think that running is the way to lose weight. But the truth is... any exercise can help you lose weight. I bought roller blades cause prince charming has them too and its something we both found fun to do together. We tried running together but he would go too fast lol and it was hard for me to keep up. If you like dancing then dance! If you like ice skating, then ice skate! There are lots of different things you can do to have fun. Don't limit yourself.
I suggest you try something new each week. Work for each day that you live.

Mwah! bye for now :)

January 26th - Insecurities about swimming in public!

Hey guys! So I weighed myself today (even though I didn't want to) and it turns out I'm now 196.2 yayyy! I'm extremely happy because I know that I deserved to lose that pound. I hope to be at least 195 by Sunday, then I will be able to record a 10 pound loss for JANUARY :)

Valentines day is coming quite fast actually! And I'd like to be at least in the 180's by then. I could be 189 for all I care and I'd be happy as a clam. It is definatly a goal I plan to meet.

As for my daily exercise today, I am proud to say that I conquered that fear of swimming in public lol (kind of lol). I know that a lot of people face this fear because of body image and let me tell you, I would be first to sign up for this group. I was extremely shy to wear a bathing suit in front of prince charming as well. Mind you, my bathing suit top goes past my tummy and I wore shorts over my bottom. I figure my insecurity is mostly because I'm not used to showing that much skin (no matter who I'm with) but also because I felt extremely big (yes, I was having a fat moment). I am a very "covered up girl." I don't like showing off any parts of my body. I don't do this because I feel a woman's body is beautiful and should be kept classy. I don't feel as though I want my body shown to other people and I dont like being viewed as eye candy. I find it degrading and disrespectful. ANYWAYS lol... I remember being 170 and feeling insecure about wearing a bathing suit even then. So this is something I need to work on. It wasn't until last year in march that I opened my eyes enough to see women who were over 250lbs wearing small bikinis that I thought..."why the hell am I so insecure about how my body looks?" It's still a work in progress :P
So prince charming and I basically woke up at 6am so I could go into the leisure swim...(the pool basically consisted of old people) I felt comfortable with people who I felt wouldn't judge me. 6 am is quite early, and I was exhausted after. I'm not sure if I can continue going at that time in the morning but I'm going to try very hard. I hope to go on Thursday or Friday again.

As for my roller blades, I reserved a new pair to buy on Friday. I got prince charming to look at them and he said they were a good pair! So I'm going to try them out and see how they do. They're about 80$ but I figure you cant put a price on health. And its something else me and prince charming can do together more often.

Ok! So Sunday I walked to the store I wanted to go to, Monday I roller bladed (fail) and Tuesday I went swimming in the morning. Tomorrow I'm going to try this new work out video I bought (ITS BY THE PUSSY CAT DOLLS) Its a work out video I bought for like 9 bucks. And get this... prince charming said he would do the dance routine with me so I would feel more comfortable :P That's going to be a fun time. Aw hes so sweet.

Anyways guys! :) Exercising can be fun! You just have to fit your right groove.
Take care,
Tishy205

January 25th - How to tell if you are no longer hungry

So today I had an Epiphany. I read in a magazine the other day that more then not, when we put down our fork at the dinner table as a "rest" it means that you should stop eating. Its an indication of boredom and proves that you should pack or save the rest of your food for later.
Today while at sushi, I heard a "clink" from my chopsticks hitting the plate. I looked down and wasn't even half way done when I realized I wasn't hungry anymore. It was then that I remembered that article I read about being full. So next time you hear your fork hit the side of the plate... try to realize that you might not be hungry anymore and that slight "pause" you're taking is a sign that your body is full.

Also I went out and bought roller blades today! It was so much fun but turns out I bought an extremely crappy pair. Although I did burn a lot of calories just by roller blading with a CRAPPY pair, I'm going to try and buy a better ones. Its something I'd like to take up with prince charming since he has a really expensive pair and loves it.

p.s 5 days in a row of exercise! only 23 more days to go! Yay me!! :)

January 24th - Walk to where you want to go

I made promises to myself of how many calories I'd like to burn each day. Unfortunately today was one of the higher calorie amounts that I had to reach. Prince charming and I decided that we would walk to the place we wanted to go. It was actually a lot of fun and super cute. Even though we didn't end up buying anything, we had a really great time. I ended up burning the equivalent to 500 calories just from walking to and from where I wanted to go.

Next time you have a craving for ice cream... walk there. ;)
Tishy205

January 23rd - Still on track

Hopefully I will be able to see at least a tiny loss this week after my water retention dies down. If I exercise tomorrow as well, I'll have kept my goal of being active at least 4 times this week. Next week I hope to make it at least 5 times. It was funny because I got as high as 200 lbs this week and now I'm back down to 197.
I'm working on eating less sushi though... I've come to find that I don't go to the washroom regularly when I eat sushi. When I eat a lot of veggies and fruits I go a lot more often.

Anyways guys! :)
Tomorrows a new day!

January 23 - It takes time

Last year, I had my mind set to the fact that weight loss takes time. I didn't care if I lost weight or not. I just wanted to become healthier. It took me nearly 5 months to get to where I was. The process was slow but it worked. I came to find that 95% of people who try to lose weight end up gaining it back. I unfortunately was in that category of people who gained. I teased prince charming today saying, "why am I bothering to become smaller if I'm going to have kids (pregnant) and get big again one day". He laughed and said that I was beautiful anyway size I choose to be. I've never met anyone like him. Its almost hard to believe that someone could love me so much. I'm lucky to have his support. I didn't have support the first time I tried to lose weight. Unfortunately, his heart is so big that he can not say "no" to me. If I ask for ice cream... he will run to the store to get it for me. He is skinny and so he has never had to deal with being bigger growing up. In fact he was underweight when he was little.
If there is anything I've come to learn about his eating habits its that he knows when to stop. Its almost remarkable! Sometimes I just sit there and watch him eat. When something tastes good to me, I will eat until I cant eat anymore. To me... eating is PLEASURE. It feels good... It tastes good... it makes me happy. But its not the same way for prince charming. I asked him one day why he stopped eating pizza after 3 slices (I could eat 7 slices alone) And he said, "The food tastes good, but I know that if I keep eating I will feel sick after. I know it tastes good... but its not going anywhere...?" I found that so hard to believe! Yes... it will be GONE because I will have ate it all lol. Last year I could have eaten a whole small - medium pizza to myself. Now, I cant eat as much because my stomach has shrunk. In my family... if you don't eat when the food is served, then you will not get any because it is all gone.

From August 20 - Sept 20th I did a month of fasting for Ramadan (religious reasons). I was not allowed to eat during the day. I could however eat when the sun went down. This was a bad thing because I would eat at around 9pm and continue to eat until bed time. I basically slept on my food. I went from being 177 at the start of Ramadan to 185. So i gained a majority of my weight there. I'm working on correcting what I've done. I hope to be a total of 10 lbs down by the end of January. That is my main goal. And then I would like to lose another 10 lbs next month. If I can get to 180 by my bday... that would be great. Anywhere from 185-175 would be a wish come true. Its going to take a lot of work but I can do it :) I've done it before.

Another thing is, I'm getting quite tired of people choosing diets that are extreme and have very little chances of working... and then they yell at everyone saying "DONT CRITICIZE MY DIET" and then they make big videos complaining about why they haven't lost weight yet. It is EXTREMELY hard to lose 30 lbs in 30 days... so for those of you trying to do that... good luck. I hope you accomplish it because that would be awesome! But you don't need to yell at other people, especially your dedicated viewers.

The point of todays post is that... yes I did lost weight last year. But it took alot of time and dedication.
Anyways :) Tomorrow is a new day!
Tishy205

January 21st - The pledge

So I've now completed writing myself my pledge. I plan on reading it to myself everyday for 28 days so that I can stay on track and motivated. I've also made a calender so that I can track down my exercise and progress. Allot of people are doing a 21 day challenge on YouTube. I'm just doing my own 28 day challenge. The reason why they chose 21 days is because it apparently takes 21 days to form and break a habit. I want to get rid of bad habits starting today. I decided this last night. I didn't decide to wait until Monday... or Sunday... no. I'm starting NOW. Putting things off will only affect me in the end.
I've decided not to post my pledge until the very end because its quite personal. There is however, a video I'd like you all to check out... its called sunscreen.. it really makes you think :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ