Some of you may have seen the video that was posted on my youtube around the month of last May. It was a video which told about how I had met someone online. Although we had been talking everyday for like 5 months straight AND he knew I was losing weight and had lost 35 lbs, he turned me down when he met me. He said "I'm sorry but I'm just not physically attracted to you." I asked him how much I had to lose in order to date him and be with him (keep in mind I was head over heels for this guy) and he said "get to 130". Now mind you... my OVERALL goal... my perfect goal weight was 150 lbs. I had never even thought of getting down to 130 lbs. Everything I had worked so hard for vanished just because of a few simple words.
I've come to realize that there was alot more then just me eating alot which lead to me gaining my weight back. I went through a very VERY hard blow with that. As much as I didnt want to admit... all my confidence was gone after that day. I had never had a boyfriend and I had never even really experienced having a guy as a friend. You could only imagine such an innocent mind frame going through that.
Last year when I lost my weight and reached 170lbs my mother got depressed. I know this because she told me. I was officially skinnier then her. She started going to the gym and walking every day just like I did but of course she didnt follow threw with it. I went from hearing "YOU'RE FAT" to "You're looking good!" And let me tell you, my confidence back then was amazing. I wasn't cocky... I was just so much more happy with life and what it gave me. I was approachable! I made so many new friends... now I just hide in doors with my baggy clothes. I've only now come to realize that it was probably the incident with that online boy that triggered my lack of confidence. I DO NOT blame myself. I truly and fully love myself and accept myself for the person that I am. This is something I've struggled with for a long time. And now its time to do it again. I'm down 12 lbs now and im 3 lbs from being half way to my goal weight. (170 lbs)
I hope that wasn't too hard to follow! basically I was talking about what I think triggered my weight loss to come to a stop. I stopped caring and I don't blame myself for it.
My mom had a talk with me 2-3 times last week in regards to weight watchers. Shes going on and on about how I should join with her. I just laugh and say why pay money when I know I can do it on my own. I lost all my weight without the support of people around me. I HAD YOUTUBE as my support lol and that was enough. Anyways... I dont think I'll be joining weight watchers anytime soon... mind you I think its a REALLY cool support system! I just dont have the money.
Now... Prince charming (which most of you should know :) has a wonderful mother who is a very experienced hypnotherapist. She did her first session on me to cure a phobia that has been bothering me for about 17 years of my life. It was so odd to let her do that. I was scared at first because it meant giving up full control. I had some sort of "CLUSTER-phobia" It meant that I was extremely irritable when it came to textures and certain things in clusters. eg. honey combs, cells, the inside seeds of green and red peppers... when I saw these things it got to the point where I would almost start crying... I know, weird eh?
Anyways after the session she showed me pictures of my fear and I felt fine! I couldn't BELIEVE IT! I'm still shocked.
Anyways she mentioned that she needed 4 volunteers to do a weight loss band hypnotherapy. Apparently there are only 3 in the province that can do it and she is one of them. Anyways I thought what the heck! LETS DO IT! lol So I volunteered and its going to be for 2 months that I see her for 8 sessions of hypnotherapy in regards to my weight loss. I'm soooo stoked lol! I'm already losing weight but hey if this can give me the confidence to pull through then HELL YES i'm up for it lol. If it were something like an experimental drug or weight loss pill I wouldn't even think about it, the answer would be NO. but I trust her with this. So yea, starting tomorrow I get to do it. Im kind of worried because I turn 19 on Sunday and I'm going clubbing and stuff and I was planning on eating lots of good food. I asked her if it was likely that I wont allow myself to have that stuff when the time comes and she said yes. She offered to start it after my bday but I want to do it ASAP. I cant wait!!! I'll let you guys know how it goes tomorrow.
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