February 21st - Verbal abuse hurts...

Do you deal with people telling you are fat every single day? Probably not. And if you do, chances are that its not by your own mother. I wish I would atleast be able to say that it was with words of love in a kind simple tone. Instead I get it yelling to the point where I feel like crying.

If you are going through what I am... just know that you're not alone.
Verbal abuse is hard to take... but its ok. Just keep your chin up.

February 20th - Night waiting at the hospital

Last night we went to a hockey game from 5pm to 10 pm where prince charmings cousin was playing... he ended up breaking his arm during the game. We had to get him to emergency and wait 3 hours to be told that he had to come back in the morning to have the bones re-aligned.
In the morning he ended up having to have surgery. Because of the unexpected emergency, I didn't have time for exercise... it was already too late at night. We got home around 2am

February 19th - 2010 olympics made me walk!

lol So today we went to see the 2010 Olympics and it was quite the thing to see. Everything was packed and I got to go on a sky train for the first time since I was like 5! Super super exciting!
We must have walked like 4 hours worth... I was exhausted by the time I got home that I passed out.
I have no idea what I'll do today for exercise... maybe roller blading or something. We'll see :P
Gosh I'm craving one of my salads.
OMG while in Vancouver there was this place in the mall where you could make your own salad!! It was so weird lol so I did it :P My salad ended up coming to like 9 bucks though :( What a jip. I could have made like 3 of my own salads for the same prince lol. It was my first time though so I had really no indication of what my salad may come out to be $. Next time I'll pick toppings that weigh less lol since they charge by weight.

Anyways take care!

February 18th - 17 days to go!

17 days until my birthday and the end of my challenge.
I went swimming today and let me tell you that I'm catching up to when I was at 194.4lbs on Feb 12th. I weighed myself today and I was 198.2 so that's sooo good considering that on valentines day I went back up to 200. I only have 4 lbs to go until I'm back to where I was... That is a piece of cake. I can almost taste it.
And after I lose these 4 lbs... I only have 4 more to be in the 180's! OMG so exciting!

I'm really happy that progress is happening even if its slow.
I can feel myself changing. I'm no longer craving that "stuffing" feeling. When I was eating veggie burgers and fries I would like 2 or 3 servings. I would eat until it hurt. Now I can feel the moderation change. I eat every 2 hours on the hour.
I feel so much better then yesterday. I've also decided to take mini clips of every day just saying what I did each day for exercise. AT the end of the week I'm going to post a video and hopefully it will let me get back into posting videos again :)

The body is so funny. When it doesn't like what you are putting into it... it makes you fat. What a way to get back at you eh? ;) I don't think that the tongue and the brain work together. :P

Tishy205

February 17th - Video Phobia?

I tried to make a video today... one of me talking. I spoke about so much but I just couldn't bring myself to post it. I feel like I have some insecurity on my shoulders. I used to be able to make videos on a whim and post them with in the hour of filming them. I now feel different. I feel brutally honest in some senses. I feel like I have so many people judging me now. So many people expecting me to tell them what to do and so many people watching to see if I can do it again. I feel like I'm too judgemental on my own as well.
I feel like this is no longer my journey alone.

I feel so overwhelmed... I think I'm PMS'ing lol.
Anyways... the only thing that we can do is hold on tight and keep pushing through.
Hopefully I can get back into regular videos again... Its something I want to do but I'm afraid for some reason...

February 16th - Bought new food

So I stalked up on lots of new foods. I went through my logs and as assumed... I'm going to be eating a lot of non processed foods.
Me and prince charming are going swimming in the morning. I did pretty good on my eating tonight. I think it was good for a first day.
I had pineapple, big salad, cheese sticks, nuts and then I had some desert... (probably not the best choice but its ok.) I also watched two new movies... Obsessed (with beyonce) and ONG bak! Both were really good :)

Anyways take care guys!

February 15 - Time to read the old diary

So I've decided that I'm going to check my old history of my weight loss last year. While I was losing weight last year I logged down everything I ate. I hopefully can get back into routine with eating what I did... basically living off healthy food...:P

I was discussing with prince charming that the first time we went for sushi back in august, I didn't finish my food. I never finished my food. He usually had to force me to eat regularly because I just wouldn't eat when I wasn't hungry. I had a lot more self control back then... Its going to be work getting it back. I find it almost unbelievable that I could give up food before. The eating habits were so different!!!

Since my mom came back from India she lost 20 lb. Shes pushing it very hard to keep up with her weight loss. She walks every day and eats only healthy food now. I'm lucky that I have that support although more then not, I'm hearing about how I "should be trying to lose weight".

My birthday is in 3 weeks.... Are you ready?